Being Pushed Through the Door

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As mentioned in a previous article, I have always been told I have some sort of gift but always laughed it off. I preferred to see myself as just a guy with a camcorder looking to learn and having my intent in the right place. I also really wanted to avoid being associated with the types of people who claim to have such gifts.

Lately it seems that the decision isn’t mine and things are being forced upon me whether I am willing to accept that or not. For the past 8-9 months I have delivered pizza. I’ve had many jobs including private investigator, armed patrol and many years in the IT industry. Without a doubt I’ve had more fun delivering pizza than any other job I’ve ever had. For whatever reason I just really enjoy it and make the most of it.

I am leaving this area in a little over a week and along with that will be leaving a job I really enjoy. I have walked up to hundreds of doors and although many times things get a little weird, that is almost always because of the circumstances or the location and in hindsight are rather amusing.

A couple of weeks ago I was doing a day shift (I normally work nights) and went to an old apartment complex for a delivery. The only thing on my mind was delivering the food and moving on to the next delivery. I had been to this location many times and since it wasn’t known as a place that tipped well I just wanted to do the transaction and roll on to the next stop.

I was in my own little world when the girl opened the door and it was like I was punched in the chest. I was suddenly overcome by an overwhelming feeling of deep sadness and despair. All I could think was this girl is in a really bad place. It was so heavy I could almost see it. It was one of the saddest feelings I have ever felt. I went through with the transaction then went back to my car thinking I hope whatever she’s going through ends soon because it was bad.

A few days ago I went to bed at 6 AM completely exhausted. I just wanted to sleep until it was time to go to work. 90 minutes later I woke up from a dream that involved a gun. I was in the back seat of a car and a man was next to me holding a gun on me. He had the barrel touching the back of my right hand and I remember thinking I needed to grab the barrel with my left hand and at the exact same time swing my right elbow into his face as hard and as fast as I could.

I made my move, heard a gunshot and woke up. I looked at my phone that was lying on the bed next to me and a friend had just made a post saying there were police all over the place and her street was blocked off. A moment later she followed up saying her neighbor had just shot himself in the heart in front of the police. I told her about my dream and she said I was starting to freak her out.

Later that evening I went to work and something was just off. I can’t explain it other than to say something just wasn’t right. The air felt strange and even the color of the sky seemed different. I even commented on this saying how the day just didn’t feel right. I was back at work and about to leave on a delivery when the phone rang. It was one of my co-workers saying he had to leave because his father had just had a stroke in a restaurant down the street. As soon as I heard this the day suddenly felt normal again.

Recently I have had this overwhelming sense of protection. I can’t describe it but it’s very strong. So strong that I have noticed that lately I have only been wearing my seat belt about 50% of the time. I have always been a seat belt user and put it on automatically without even realizing it. Lately I have been driving and suddenly realize it’s not on but not to worry about it. Nothing will happen to me. No accident, no ticket. It’s just OK.

It feels like an issue of trust. Trust us, you’ll be fine. Yesterday my mother was talking to me and said something about being worried about me. I wasn’t fully engaged in the conversation and was hearing her without really listening to her. Without even thinking about it I just said “Don’t worry, I have friends taking care of me.” After I said that I realized that it didn’t feel like me who said it.

Last night I spoke to Jari about all of the above and he said he’s been experiencing the same thing his entire life. The key is to remain open but not to take everything as literal. Remember it but don’t dwell on it or fixate on it. Don’t try to decipher it, just put it in the back of your mind and if something happens that seems relative, then give it some thought.

Another person told me I need to start blocking these things out. I sort of tried that in a way by simply denying it for years. It seems it’s now gotten to the point where if I’m not going to be accepting of it then it’s going to be forced upon me. I strongly disagree with trying to block anything out, be it good or bad. I made a conscious decision years ago to become involved in the paranormal in order to learn.  Blocking it out would be no different than these people with paranormal shows who claim to be looking for spirits and then running away screaming when something shows up. (I’m looking at you Ghost Adventures).

For now the plan is to just let it develop on its own, let things play out as they will. I have no intention of consciously trying to dial it all in. I will work with Jari and seek his advice when necessary but for now the plan is to just keep doing what I’ve been doing.